I want to continue the conversation I started last week about establishing personal boundaries and taking control of your energy (you can catch a replay of the live video here). The cold hard truth is, this shit is hard for a LOT of people, myself included -- and for good reason!
Self-limiting beliefs are what have you meeting resistance, when what you really want is to be in flow. These are exactly what the sound like - beliefs that limit your self in your growth and happiness.
We learn from a young age that achievement (in one form or another) begets approval, and that approval makes you successful and deserving of joy. Therefore, if you don't continuously receive outside confirmation of success, you kind of feel like you suck.
Or, to avoid feeling like you suck, you keep chasing something outside of you to reach the point of feeling happiness and joy.
On a subconscious level, you adopt these as a self-limiting beliefs which might sound something like this: "The wants and needs of others are more important than my own."
These LIMITING beliefs result in you taking action for the sake of serving others. Chances are, those actions probably are not in alignment with your Higher Self, and they sure as shit are not serving your highest good.
To be able to set those personal boundaries that you need to for your own well-being, you have to love yourself enough and value your happiness as much (or more) as your most-cherished loved ones -- let alone that friend that you don't even really like anymore.
It might feel overwhelming to think about how to get yourself off of this hamster wheel, so let me outline a 3 steps to help you get started.
As always, I encourage you to write or journal what comes up for you as you go through each of these.
Increase self-awareness. Bring your conscious mind to the present moment and pay attention to your self-talk. What kinds of things are you saying to yourself and what beliefs are you holding onto that are self-limiting? These might sound something like:
"I'm not smart enough."
"To be worthy, I must achieve ___ (without making mistakes)."
"I'm not good enough."
"I don't have time."
"I need the love and approval of others to be worthy."
"This is just the way I am."
“That was stupid of me.”
Stay curious. One of the key aspects of mindfulness practice is not judging the present moment, but instead meeting whatever thoughts arise with a sense of curiosity. So when you catch yourself thinking or expressing a limiting belief, simply acknowledge it and ask yourself, "What is this?"
It's not that we want to over-analyze or look for a specific answer, but rather use the question to further bring yourself into the experience of the thought. This allows you to fully be in the present so that you can make a shift.
“Does this need to be taken up, addressed or dealt with? Can I let it be or let it go? Or perhaps it’s time to practice intentional avoidance.” When necessary, avoidance can be skillful or an act of self-care. If you're unsure, check in with your Higher Self.
Have compassion for yourself. Before you go beating yourself up as you work toward shifting this energy, remember that loving yourself is key to moving forward. One of these affirmations may be helpful:
"I accept all aspects of who I am."
"Change is never simple, but I am worth doing it."
"My 'mistakes' are simply lessons as I am growing and learning."
"Even thought I feel like____, I still love and accept myself."
"I release the habit of judging myself."